Summer is fast approaching and the temperature is rising. While my inner “desert rat” normally revels in the warmth, this time the heat brings no comfort or warm nostalgia. Instead I feet that I’m in the fire, spread thin with my angst fueling the erosion, feeling everything at stake in each passing moment. It’s global warming on my own microcosmic scale.

In float the words of Otis Redding, “Ooh… a change is gonna come”.

The timeless and transcendent mystic in me knows to trust the design. But as a parent, a single parent, a single parent with an angry and litigious ex, a single parent struggling in a failing industry; the laisse fare approach in which, with no responsibilities other than to my own I held trust for the energy and flow of the universe to bring me into the opportunities that I needed, no longer feels like a complete recipe.

The tensions in combat inside at this point revolve around having dutifully assigned myself to a career path that was absent of heart, though was essential for the duration up to this point to stabilize the transition, shock and responsibility that makes up the vortex of my life following some difficult life experiences and transitions.

I have been trying to shed my layers of dreams and “idealism” in the face of the needs and wants of my daughter and myself. But the lack of balance, the absence of a sense of fulfillment and meaning has begun to catch up with me. It is time to really regain balance, to shift my assemblage point. It is time to find the path and pursuits that will not only provide the financial stability that family, broken or not, deserves, but also one that allows me to shine the example of the secrets of life that I have discovered along the way.

Inevitably this pulls to questions that I am afraid to ask; afraid because I feel that there have been times in my past, which feel like lifetimes ago, when I could face and answer these questions with confidence and courage, regardless of naivety. And now these questions frighten and perplex me because I don’t know where to find the answers. But perhaps this is exactly the right way to feel, the right place to be. As I’ve always known deep down, the answers are somewhere INSIDE and the path comes forth from within, shaped by each moment of the present, not something that is laid down before us.

- It’s always darkest just before the dawn –

With introspection triggered involuntarily by the profound and the inane, I have to believe that in my own story, I’m on the brink of metaphorical death or the explosion of life. The deep, sincere and protective love for Amara mandates a refusal of the former. Perhaps I must step through the metaphorical death, in which I allow the world to define me, to reach a personal rebirth of how I define my place and role in this world.

Above all else, I want to instill in Amara the belief, the knowledge, that inside of her are special gifts that are unique and filled with purpose. Unique in that her gifts are imbued to her for the sole purpose of contributing to a greater good in the world in which she lives. Just as each individual possesses their own unique gifts impregnated with the potential to be a link in the chain of conscious evolution. I want her to know that within her spirit is a seed crystal that is germinating that can be part of a chain reaction of change and growth that will bring meaning and solidarity into a world that, with each passing day, seems to move in the opposite direction. Done by listening and living to her spirit.

So I stand at the same mundane crux that millions of other human beings have faced in their life cycle. How many others have stopped listening to their spirits as their guides. How many others have forgone their dreams, labeled them with the now derogatory title of “idealistic” in lieu of the tangible, the creature comforts, the material security devoid of the rich woven fabric of belonging, of community, of intangible substance and meaning? And I have to ask, while I hold tightly to the dream that within each being lies the potential to incrementally or cataclysmically promote positive change, whether the man-made magnetic pull to forego exemplifying this dream to our successive generations works to cement the status quo, the “American dream, the cogs in the machine? For I have to believe that every loving parent dreams for their children a world full of much more than flat screen TV’s, two car garages and bank accounts with high balances. I have to believe that every loving parent dreams for their children a world of real happiness and meaning in addition to the quantifiable security and comfort to answer the needs and requirements of this world. I am not saying that material comfort is a bad thing or in any way absent from that dream, but I think that the notion that material wealth and happiness are synonymous, that meaning and connection in life can be acquired solely through base pursuits, is a fallacy.

If I seek to inspire within Amara the passion of these ideas with my words alone, while with my life I sell myself as a dispensable cog in the machine of economy, what example do I set for her when she reaches the same crux? If our children truly are the evolutionary extensions of ourselves, as I believe with all my heart and sole, then isn’t it our footsteps, not our words and orphaned dreams, that create the foundation and springboard from which they live, move and grow?

I know, without a doubt, what holds me, and perhaps many others back from truly stepping into this space. It is uncharted, uncertain; whereas the alternative is established, indoctrinated and well worn. To put it plainly, what holds me back is fear. On the surface it is fear of the unknown; trading a certain measure of security, trading a step-by-step process of the material philosophy underlying the lie of the American Dream, which has spread far beyond the confines of this continent. It is trading a socially expected and accepted common path for a path that risks incomprehension or flat out disapproval by society, peers, or loved ones that have long ago closed eyes to a way that’s different. To venture into my own direction carries the heavy weight and fear of risking the material stability that is required, especially of a parent raising a child. But on an individual level, it’s essentially fear of change, fear of failure, and perhaps most accurately, a fear of my own untapped potential.

Ole

See, I have a dream, but I do not know how it ends. I know it is a dream that will not be realized through my effort alone, but by moving and growing through others who collectively can make this dream real. Because this dream is about coming together; coming together to make something more than what we are expected to expect out of life.
Moving from independence to inter-dependency by suggesting a change from, ”… life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” to “…happiness, liberty and the pursuit of life”.

Coming to a nexus; a friend and brother discovers he has cancer. A beautiful daughter whom I love to dearly to give up on this dream, and a career that does not have a heart in it for me nor I for it; all sincere, all oracles, all agents of change.

I feel very dearly that if my friend has a hard fight, the interconnected relationships he has with those he loves, his family both blood and non-blood, will be crucial in contributing energy to the fight. Despite whatever the Western prognosis, I know that there is just as great a possibility that this can be healed, as any other outcome that could happen. It’s most important that he feels this on a deep level, but his community plays a big role in supporting and maintaining this belief as a fact and truth so as to constantly reflect it for him. People should need people, should be able to rely and trust in their people for this seems to be the seat of meaning in life.

My inner voice has been too persistent in it’s conveyance that the footsteps I walk now will be a platform that intersects with my daughter’s path, when she stands at her own crux as an adult trying to wrestle with whether she will fall in line or try to fly. In addition to striving to be the best father I can be to her, I am also thoughtful of the example that I want to be for her when she finds herself at trying times, when she finds herself in a tug of war between giving up herself, giving in to life’s responsibilities and holding tight to her dreams, all the while knowing that one may be the path to success and the other happiness, but unsure of which is which.

If, with every passing generation, we continue to ignore our own internal spirit and close our minds to the possibility that each one of us, with all our uniqueness and individuality, has a path that is important and essence for the fabric of meaning and connection between all, then what example do we set for our successive generations, our children? These thoughts are so easily absorbed by our intellects and yet so overshadowed by the world at large and the status quo, that all too often they fall into the back burner labeled “Idealistic”. But how long can we continue to ignore that change will not be brought about by doing the same things and hoping one day, for a different outcome?

I invite all your thoughts, cares, criticisms, ideas and concerns.

Corporate jobs, career jobs, get-rich quick jobs, scam jobs, temp jobs, freelance jobs, work from home jobs…. where is the sanity. Going through the process is something that almost immediately induces depression. I recently read an article that highlighted just how medicated a society we have become. Depressed? Here’s a pill. Overweight? Take this. Back problems, relationship problems, trouble sleeping, addicted to gambling, addicted to video games, addicted to sex? Here’s some medicine. Yes there are some side effects, but we have medicines for those as well.

Isn’t there some point where we take note of all the symptoms, the by products of how we are living, of how we see this world, and ourselves in it and how those views are melded, and realize that these are symptoms of our collective and metaphorical death? I would define this as an epidemic that convinces us to let the world define us and impairs our ability, our right, to define ourselves in this world.

At what point do we recognize that it is not any single component in our lives that creates the imbalance, but rather the integrated whole? These symptoms seem to call for a need to re-examine the whole organism, our lifestyle, our rhythms, our goals and dreams as well as our responsibilities and needs, and find the balance.

I don’t want to find the most efficient way to fit in and get by with my life. There is an idealist facet of my personality or perhaps a core in my spirit that throbs like the beat of my heart, telling me that life is about much more than the bill of fare we are expected to consume from generation to generation. And if I choose to ignore this, if I turn my ear away from my heart’s voice then what am I to expect from life. I become nothing more than a battery used to propel the economy. Even if I reap the financial rewards of “plugging in” I place meaning and connection in my life on such a superficial level that it almost ceases to exist. And this seems to mirror what a lot of people feel in this world today, isolation, fragmentation, an absence of meaning and connection.

Why write this? Because I know that there’s got to be a better way and I know that this idea is shared by many of you out there. So, write to me, leave a comment, ask a question or share your experiences. I have long held that the change that I know so many people seek is more about people coming together in this pursuit than in one individual finding a panacea.

It’s funny the things I notice being a single father. Just today while at the local farmers market, for instance, on two separate occasions I was talking to two friends who happened to be female, and anyone inquiring about my girl would invariably direct there questions to the women I was talking to. Even after I answered the first query, the follow-ups were still posed to my friends. Of course the natural assumption is that a parent is not single, and the fact that so many parents are single does not seem evident or expected by anyone other than the single parents themselves. It is not something that bothers me, but I do find it standing out in my interactions with people. Of course, anyone that I have even a semblance of a personal conversation with, will know that I am a single dad. My daughter is the most precious energy in my life. She is my motivation and my inspiration for so much that I do in my life. Even as I write this she is peeking around the margins from my screen saver. She is the driving force behind my professional ambitions and the beautiful light spreading like colors of the setting sun that softens the wounds that leave me single.

Many people express wonder at how one manages being a single parent, and I can certainly identify with this wonder as there have been, and are likely to continue to be many more times, that I feel slightly overwhelmed. I waiver between thinking it a balancing act and a juggling act, but in reality it is both at all times. And while, at times I feel envious and desirous of couples that I know, happy, co-committed teams working to raise their families together, I also know that there are situations in which I have less to deal with than they do. For instance, I do not encounter the need to acquiesce to another’s ideas of parenting philosophy. I do not have the stress of expecting someone else to contribute and help and not get what I was expecting. These are silver linings that only truly count when I am looking for them, but they are there when I need them, which is nice.

Of course, all the joys of being a single dad, which are infinite, can only really be embraced when one is ready to live in the positive. That’s when all the joys that are parenthood are found; many of which are shared by all in the club, and a few magical and mysterious ones that are known only to those raising children by themselves. Perhaps this is all just a matter of rationalizing, a coping mechanism, choosing to embrace and view the situation that, on the surface, is so far from ideal, but then, isn’t everything is life a matter of perspective? Isn’t this the single most important tool in going through life? Isn’t it perspective that allows one to see another’s point of view, allowing us to tap the well of empathy and compassion? Isn’t it perspective that teaches us understanding of the worlds we live in, be it the natural world, the human world, the spiritual world? Isn’t the point of life to explore these worlds around us as we grow, to learn and change and interact with our perspective, shaping the unique majesty of our individuality? What I strive for most in my efforts as a single father is to bring the agility of perspective to every aspect of my daughter’s life, with a foundation of constant love so that she is best prepared to meet life’s other constant, change, with the most powerful arsenal available to her.

Sometimes it takes the proverbial “last straw” to break the cacophony of life’s stresses that disrupt the aria of the spirit and allow us to find our inner guru. When life’s challenges, tests and trials start to build up, they rarely happen in isolated incidents. Relationship problems, family crisis and job concerns build and mount until it seems that life cannot possibly expect us to handle one more thing. Stretched away from our center, the ability to maintain perspective becomes challenged and it easily turns our attention outward, from a place of negative thoughts and emotions. We hope for a shift, a turning point, for life to extend some compassion to our burden. Then it happens, the parking ticket, the death of the family pet, the newly painted park bench that, still wet ruins our clothes, or in my case yesterday morning, waking to find the car has been stolen.

Being pushed just over the brink of our apparent threshold we are given an opportunity to realize that the compassion which we long for does not come from the circumstances of our day to day, transmuting to our spirit, but rather from our spirit comes the compassion and love which we long for and have been moved away from. Regaining this connection with ourselves immediately changes how our circumstances affect us and in doing so, begins to shift the pendulum swing in the other direction.

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in quite some time. Not in spite of my car being stolen, but in large part, because my car was stolen. This was the broken straw that allowed me to move through the absurdity of circumstances that have beset me and regain communion with my inner guru. As is it written in the Bhagavad Gita, “There is nothing lost or wasted in this life.” For a moment I hung suspended as I processed the feeling of disbelief, then a wave of perspective washed over me, bringing the decision to embrace life’s unpredictability and challenge with love and compassion.

By turning our attention to the heart and regaining communion with the voice that resides within, we bring a shift so dramatic and empowering that despite the car, despite the relationship crisis and family turmoil, we can move into our light, feeling centered and grounded.

Those who practice yoga learn when their attention shifts away from a pose, dissecting minds from bodies and spirits they gently call attention back to the present with breath and mantra. So to, in our lives, we can use these techniques to regain composure when the forces of the external world begin to force themselves into our consciousness, draining our energy, challenging our sense of self.

By moving our attention in this direction we cannot expect to instantaneously change the circumstances that we must confront. We all must constantly face what it is that life brings to our doorstep. But we can change the way in which these circumstances impact our spirit. In the words of Gandhi, “Each one of us has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances”. We are each capable of turning the unforeseen and sometimes seemingly catastrophic events from obstacles that impede our intended path, to challenges which call us to respond to the ever changing winds of our world with flexibility and suppleness. In fact these obstacles serve as opportunities to call forth the potential that resides within each and all.

Our minds routinely project our lives out in front of us from any given place in time. But this logical cognitive process flies in the face of one of only two constants that I am able to perceive in this world, change and love. Oftentimes, this way of thinking, which allows us to navigate with apparent effect through the material world, creates an imperceptible pressure upon our spiritual being, hindering our ability to be open to the opportunities that even the most difficult hardships may offer. Yoga practice teaches us to be in the present moment, our worlds ever changing around us. Each and every moment brings with it potential and possibility. If we are married to the projections of our minds, we become rigid in the face of life’s constantly changing nuances and may easily come to feel ourselves “off track”. These times can be the most difficult to let go of our disappointment and frustration and hear the guiding voice coming from within, and likewise, these are the times when we most need to hear and hold the whispering voice of our inner guru.
Life is not about perfection. It is about striving continually to improve. Mistakes, setbacks, even the largest of obstacles are an integral component on this path. Indeed, these challenges often prove to be crucial ingredients in the process. They serve to disrupt our comfort zone. Rarely, if ever do change, adaptation and growth result from being comfortable.

My belief is that we are each faced in life with exactly what we need for our own growth. We are each called to face the circumstances that only we as individuals are capable of handling. By bringing our attention to our heart-space and opening to the voice from within we can learn to bring our higher selves into light and begin to see through the darkness.