Single Dad part 1

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It’s funny the things I notice being a single father. Just today while at the local farmers market, for instance, on two separate occasions I was talking to two friends who happened to be female, and anyone inquiring about my girl would invariably direct there questions to the women I was talking to. Even after I answered the first query, the follow-ups were still posed to my friends. Of course the natural assumption is that a parent is not single, and the fact that so many parents are single does not seem evident or expected by anyone other than the single parents themselves. It is not something that bothers me, but I do find it standing out in my interactions with people. Of course, anyone that I have even a semblance of a personal conversation with, will know that I am a single dad. My daughter is the most precious energy in my life. She is my motivation and my inspiration for so much that I do in my life. Even as I write this she is peeking around the margins from my screen saver. She is the driving force behind my professional ambitions and the beautiful light spreading like colors of the setting sun that softens the wounds that leave me single.

Many people express wonder at how one manages being a single parent, and I can certainly identify with this wonder as there have been, and are likely to continue to be many more times, that I feel slightly overwhelmed. I waiver between thinking it a balancing act and a juggling act, but in reality it is both at all times. And while, at times I feel envious and desirous of couples that I know, happy, co-committed teams working to raise their families together, I also know that there are situations in which I have less to deal with than they do. For instance, I do not encounter the need to acquiesce to another’s ideas of parenting philosophy. I do not have the stress of expecting someone else to contribute and help and not get what I was expecting. These are silver linings that only truly count when I am looking for them, but they are there when I need them, which is nice.

Of course, all the joys of being a single dad, which are infinite, can only really be embraced when one is ready to live in the positive. That’s when all the joys that are parenthood are found; many of which are shared by all in the club, and a few magical and mysterious ones that are known only to those raising children by themselves. Perhaps this is all just a matter of rationalizing, a coping mechanism, choosing to embrace and view the situation that, on the surface, is so far from ideal, but then, isn’t everything is life a matter of perspective? Isn’t this the single most important tool in going through life? Isn’t it perspective that allows one to see another’s point of view, allowing us to tap the well of empathy and compassion? Isn’t it perspective that teaches us understanding of the worlds we live in, be it the natural world, the human world, the spiritual world? Isn’t the point of life to explore these worlds around us as we grow, to learn and change and interact with our perspective, shaping the unique majesty of our individuality? What I strive for most in my efforts as a single father is to bring the agility of perspective to every aspect of my daughter’s life, with a foundation of constant love so that she is best prepared to meet life’s other constant, change, with the most powerful arsenal available to her.

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Filed under Perspective, family, life, single parenting, thoughts

Tags: children, father, life, musings, parenting, Perspective, relationships, single father, society, thoughts